My elusive Maggie, who just like Max hates to have her picture taken.
Sometimes I’m reminded that no matter what things aren’t anything like they were in my earlier life. Things aren’t that bad. There were times when it was much worse. However, it is difficult at times to reflect on those times without some regret. After all they were the worst and the best of times as paraphrased by the great writers.
I had a conversation lately in which it was mentioned that perhaps it would a great thing to be younger. Would I go back to being 16, 26, or 41? I don’t think so not even if I could take the things I now know with me would I go back. At 16 I had to leave school because I was pregnant. At 26 I had two children and was left in a rented renovated garage that substituted for an apartment. There was no money to pay the rent, no heat, and no groceries to feed my children. And at 41 I was faced with dying of cancer. No, I doubt that I would go back for much of anything.
Lest it sound like life was a unrelenting line of dire straits these times were not long lasting. I was able to figure out a way to go back to school by petitioning the state of Ohio as a married woman with a child. My diploma was handed to me but it didn’t matter because I received it. Later I continued by learning to fill out the forms for college. Again I obtained the degree that I challenged myself to achieve. Then I learned how to protect myself from a doctor’s aggressive solution to a cancer.
However, the bright lights of events that I would like to glimpse backwards to experience were fleeting. Some of the marriage experiences certainly were advantageous to growth. I learned never to put an experience down, but take all it could offer. I had opportunities to do many things that most people dream about being able to accomplish. And I took those opportunities. I would take the chance to race a stock car or strip machine again, or truck the country a couple of more times. I wouldn’t be as thrilled to haul steel, but something that wasn’t going to come through the cab might be worth considering. Sailing down the coast in a 40+ footer using the moon and stars as guides wouldn’t be so bad either. Or taking out the boat for a weekend soiree in a rainstorm with the sound of gentle waves fore and aft wouldn’t be so bad.
In addition, there is absolutely nothing in the world to compare with awakening on the beach to the sun’s spectacular beginning. The sand can be a little irritating, but then the benefits can be outweighed. Besides the sand be gotten rid of with a swim sans clothing. Or the smell of diesel fuel, oil and sweat after running miles and miles seeking the destination in order to rest. The adrenalin high of accomplishment by beating the last record matching machine and skill cannot be beat. Competition to be first is contagious.
It is nice to be able to review the past; but, to go back would not be the same. There simply is no going back. The future is tomorrow, today is past, yesterday is memory.
The best part about being able to look backwards is that though it had highs and lows I learned from every bit of it. Therefore, it makes the going forward not only easier but enticing and challenging. Every day it is a new beginning that starts with April’s blatting good morning, singing, dancing and greeting the animals in my barn. There’s little more that could be so rewarding.
Here’s the girls (Whitney looking at me) having breakfast of some great hay!
And so it goes…
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